Random Thoughts XXXVII

Going through a lot of things... 

Am not saying that I am envied or what...

Everytime I logged on, will start seeing someone posting regarding passing their exams la, how fast they finished their exams la, how they deal with the exam la, how stress working in a hospital la, this la that la... 

Me, still going through my life in my own pace but no doubt I got a bit heated up...  Why??? 

One: I freaking requested to work in a hospital, but some idiot behind that fucking computer decided to screw my life by chucking me in a community clinic... Sick of being called stupid when we referred case to the hospital... Reason why I choose Anaest in my 6th posting is that I dun really like to refer cases... I really hope I can do my best for the patient instead of pushing the case to someone else... But I had no choice now but to refer the case even though I know my diagnosis is right and I know what to do to save the patient's life... But I referred to the hospital, hoping that they can do what I can't do... But in the end, my words were taken lightly, patient died... Damn it... Not even a single test done to rule out my diagnosis!!! Damn you arrogant guy... In the end patient died!!! And you blame the patient being promiscuous... No confirmation... At least an echo or CT... Even a Fucking ABG also dunno how to interpret!!! Damn you... 

Two: bosses being bosses and being a retarded politician... Talking nonsense, pressing clinicians do something that should not be done... Retens, and statistics were your main job... And fucking our life is your part time job... Trying your best to break and conquer... Damn hate... Have a specialist in my clinic, so what??!! "He is our boss. Sometimes we need to kowtow to him even though we know it is nonsense!!" What the fuck is this!!!!! Kowtow to his nonsense?? What is this!!! We have our justifications on our decisions... What's your problem?? Just because we notified a "celebrity" case, and maybe fucked up your figure, thus we are not doing our job right!!! What the fuck is all this???!!! You wasted 5 years of med school, wasted the 2 years as a house officer, and wasted another 2 years or more as a medical officer.... I felt like quitting... Damn you... 

Three: ask kena diao, dun ask kena diao also... So what you want... Dunno la... 

We used to work in a peaceful environment... Until you came... 2 of you came... Since then chaos reign... Felt like even the healthcare system is compromised, and as a member in the system, I am speechless... 

But one thing... I have my dearest with me... Despite her working a bit further away from my place.. We got to see each other everyday... I got to cook for her everyday... I got to make her angry everyday... And I got to make her smile everyday also... 

I am really sorry because as you said I am not a romantic person... I dun know how to express myself.. I pissed you off all the time... But I really love you... Really really love you... I am trying my best to be a better man... Doing my best... 

Peace out tonight... See ya tomorrow morning when you open your eyes... Muacksss... Love you...

Got to go fight with life to be one of the fittest for the purpose of survival.. Hehe... 

Random Thoughts XXXVI

2 years of HO flew past.. And now I am working with my dearest within the same district. Was really really happy. 

3 years plus... Together, we went to so many places... Sabah, Lang Tengah, Singapore, Bali, Hong Kong, Redang and many more to come.. And this is the BEST 3 years of my life.. 

And 3 years plus, we started to plan our future... We bought our house, we put our thoughts together to generate me ideas on how to renovate our "nest", we did so many things together..

To say that you are my sun is not enough anymore.. I really dun know what will I be without you.. You are more important than anything in this world... And I really mean anything... With you by my side, I felt safe, I felt comfortable, I felt like I owned the universe.. 

My dear,

I know I am not the perfect person in this world

Thus, I really appreciate how you put up to my really bad habits sometimes...

Thanks for being there always for me my dear...

Love you so much... 

6/3/13

today is your birthday, my dear laopo...
This is the second birthday of yours i had been celebrating... felt excited today...
cant sleep well at night
palpitations...

No matter how,
i felt really sorry my dear...
as i am a really lazy guy...
I really wanna be with you
I really wanted that badly...
Without you,
I am just a piece of rotten shit..
Without you,
I am just nothing
I really cant live without you...



I know it is not nice to say this on your birthday...
but still, i wanna say i am sorry...

I hope that, my heart and soul will be steeled up and meet the demands of yours...
Please make me a better man, my dear..
Please make me a stronger man, my dear..
for I am weak and bad at the same time..
Please do not give up on me as there is hope...
and thanks for your chances...
I will appreciate it as my own life
and will not waste it again...

i am really sorry...



From your stupid laogong...

Random Thoughts XXXV

My second day in Labour room.... hmm... long time did not update my blog dy....

That night, was our First year anniversary.. I had planned for a while where to go and what to buy for her... after giving much thought, i remember that i told her that "Luna Bar" in KL is a nice and beautiful place to go.. So I decided to spend some of my time doing some online research to see how is that place...

After deciding that that is the place to go, I am now in a big dilemma... What to buy for my dear?? hmm... after giving much thought, I decided to buy a pair of rings and gave one to her as a token of love... I went to a jewellery shop, searching for the right ring... i searched and searched for about an hour... then i found the "2" rings and then i also decided to change the size of both rings... the bigger one, i make it bigger as my finger are too big... and the smaller one, i make it smaller... But one problem popped out at this moment... I dunno the size of my dear's finger... zzz... so i decided to guess... squeezing my brain juice and moving all the gears in my brain, i tried to figure out how big my dear dear's finger is... and at last i decided to make it size 10... and besides that, on my ring, i carved her initial which is "YL" and hers with my initial,"WH"... then i went to the next stop... muahahahaha...

remembering she told me that our anniversary celebration she would like to have flowers... So I went to the florist and ask whether fresh roses is available on that day of 29th January and the florist told me,"yes"!! then i asked,"so i no need to book flowers for that day right?? can walk in and get a bouquet straight away right??" and she answered me,"yes" happily, i started off planning how that night will go...


finally, the day came... 29th of January, 2013 came to me... that day was my post night shift... hahahahaha... felt a bit tired after the shift ends... but thinking that i will be celebrating our first anniversary, all my mitochondrion in my body started working at the max rate to produce energy!!~~ hahahahahahaha... so that day, i went to the jewellery shop to get the rings and then i went to the florist to get a bouquet of roses... but before i went to get the roses, of course i did some research on the number of roses and the colour of roses and their meaning... and this is what i found:

-Red
Sincere Love & Respect, Courage & Passion

Send red roses to convey the message of your passionate love for that someone; saying "I love you"

- Pink
Grace and Gentility, the rose of sweet thoughts.

Send deep pink roses to show your appreciation & gratitude; saying "Thank you" Send light pink roses to convey admiration and sympathy

- Yellow
In the Victorian times, yellow roses meant jealousy. But today, they signify friendship, joy, gladness and freedom, the promise of a new beginning.

Send yellow roses to brighten up someone's day; to congratulate your friends and loved ones during Joyous occasions.

- White
Spiritual love & Purity, the rose of confession, the bridal rose; "You are heavenly", "I am worthy of you"

Commonly used as traditional bridal bouquet during weddings to symbolize a happy love. You can nevertheless use them to convey the message of "You are heavenly, I miss you"

- Lavender
Love at first sight and enchantment

Send lavender roses of course, to convey the message of your "love at first sight" with that special someone. You can nevertheless also send them if you would like to make a special impression.

- Orange
Passionate desire, pure enthusiasm and fascination

An excellent choice for a new relationship that you wish to pursue further. It can nevertheless also be referring to a new business partnership.

and the numbers:

- 1 Rose
Love at the first sight; you are the one

- 2 Roses
Mutual love between both, deeply in love with one another

- 3 Roses
I love you

- 6 Roses
I wanna be yours

- 7 Roses
I'm infatuated with you

- 9 Roses
An Eternal love, together as long as we live

- 10 Roses You are perfect
- 11 Roses You are my treasured one; the one I love most in my life
- 12 Roses Be my steady
- 13 Roses Secret Admirer
- 15 Roses I am truly sorry, please forgive me
- 20 Roses Believe me, I am sincere towards you
- 21 Roses I am devoted to you
- 24 Roses Can't stop thinking about you, 24 hours everyday
- 33 Roses Saying "I love you" with great affection
- 36 Roses I will remember our romantic moments
- 40 Roses My love for you is genuine
- 50 Roses Regretless love, this is
- 99 Roses I will love you for as long as I live
- 100 Roses Harmoniously together in a century; remaining devoted as couple till ripe-old age
- 101 Roses You are my one and only love
- 108 Roses Please marry me!
- 365 Roses Can't stop thinking about you, each and everyday
- 999 Roses Everlasting and Eternal love

I bought 3 red roses, which means, I LOVE YOU...


then after preparing the things, of course is the main character... i need to go to hospital serdang to fetch my darling!!~~ hahahahahahaha... but first and foremost, i need to hide the flowers and the rings... i am really stupid as i hide the flowers in my bag and luckily the flowers din go "KABOOSH!!" as i really really held my bag carefully... huhuhu...

then i waited my dear in serdang... and after she prepared herself, then we were off the LUNA BAR our destination... hahahahaha... but on the way there, we stopped at the Thean Hou Temple and pray before we headed to the next destination...

after turning turning around KL, which is very very unfamiliar to me... but in the end, we reached the destinations without failing... hahahahaha...

we reached luna bar and then found out that the restaurant that i booked is just opposite luna bar... that restaurant is an amazing restaurant with very very nice design... we sat beside the window and clearly, we can see the KL tower beside us... very very very beautiful and magnificent... and the food is nice too...
then I started to pull out the surprises to my dear dear... first is the flowers... hahahahahaha... i stupidly pull it out from my bag... huhuhu.... then we started eating... and when we finished eating, i pulled out the ring and gave it to her and ask her to marry me...... she said that it is still a bit early for her to say,"yes I will marry you" but she will still take the ring and wear it...

after that, we went to luna bar and we talked while enjoying the night view there... it is really AWESOME!!~~ lolz... hahahahaha... and also with a cup of "tequilla sunrise"..

That's my anniversary celebration... with my dear laopo...

Love you laopo!!~~ muacksss..

From your stupidest laogong...

Random thoughts XXXIV

It is late at night now... I am sitting in the SCAN room, enjoying the airconditional in that room... Blrrrrr... Damn chill but I love it especially with my Paeds protocol and my headphone stuck in my head, listening the the soothing Jim brickman that calm me down, but making me sleepy... Darn... Should go for maksim instead of Jim brickman... Hahaha

In this lonely little room with only consist of me, my books, an my phone, I started thinking about you my dear... And tears started rolling unconsciously... Still feeling bad for the incident... I am really sorry my dear...

Thinking that you are sleeping soundly now, I really hope that I will be beside you now, making you warm, making you comfortable, and making you feel happy and smile in your dreams... But instead of being with the most precious person of mine, I am here, with those kids who need my attentions... And working without getting any appreciations ... Haiz... Really miss you my dear.... I really looking forward to the day that we can be together every single moment...

My dear,
I am the most foolish person in the world
And yet the happiest person
May your presence in my life make that came true
Settling the bad temper of mine
Or calming the inner beast of mine
Reminding me to study for our future
Reminding me to be a better person
Yet, still tolerating all my bad habits...

Last but not least, thanks dear for making my life beautiful...
Thanks for molding me to be a better person...
And hereby I will grant you the permission to claim your ownership on me(physically, mentally and spiritually) forever ever...


I LOVE YOU LAOPO


Love,
your stupidest laogong in the world

A letter to my dearest

Dear laopo,

Dear, you are embedded deeply in my heart dear... Every single moment when I am alone, my brain waves will start generating your images and start putting them around inside my brain...

My main purpose of writing you this is that I want you to know that I will support you no matter what choice you make...

I understand the feeling of giving up while studying... I had that feeling before... And you know what I will think about when I had that giving up feeling?? I will think of you... Think of the subway and the chocolate that you purposely bought them for me... You are the supporting pillar of mine throughout my toughest moment in life...

Thus, I really hope that you will just think of my stupid face when you feel stress.. The clown face of mine that successfully carved the smile on the frowning face of yours.. And remember, this is the time that I become the pillar of yours....

Dear...
I will be the pillar so that you can depend on..
I will be the light to bring brightness into your life..
I will be the candle to bring you light in darkness..
I will be the punching bag when you need to vent out you rage..
I will be the pillow where you can lie your tired body on..
I will be the clown to bring joy into your life..
and most important
I will stay alive so that I CAN DO ANYTHING YOU WANT ME TO DO FOR YOU....

Dear,
I love you dear...
May my strength and perseverance to be with you..
May my joy and love to be with you..
May my light and luck to be with you...

Love you dear...
Good luck in your exam and do not be too stress...


Love,
your stupidest laogong in the world!!~~

Random thoughts XXXIII

It is triple x plus triple I series!!! Hahahaha....

Now in night shift, working in paediatric ward... Listening to all the cries and screaming.... Feeling to have noise induced hearing loss one day....

Sitting in the room, waiting for the arrival of new admission... And at the same time, doing some reading....
And
At this moment, one cute pretty face kept on popping out in my mind, disturbing my flow of thoughts, and also keeping me wide awake... (Dunno whether it is partially due to the coffee I drank hours ago... But normally the effect of coffee won't stay long... Thus, it is due to the person... Hahaha..)



She is like a mischievous elf
Popping in and out of my brain
In the frequency of approximately 1 Hz

Her smile was mischief
Yet stunning...
Like a kid,
Who had just completed her mischievous deed...

Looking at my arm, fingers, dorsal of my palm
And knee and ankle...
Searching for the sign of "tattooing"
Which is her signature doing
Especially when I am sleeping soundly..

She brings joy, and happiness...
She brings laughter and sometimes tears...
She brings in light and warmth...
And the most important part..
She brings in her heart....

She is the one and only one person in this world...
And guess who is this person that is capable enough
To infiltrate my life and soul like mercury??

She,
Is my dearest darling, miss PYL...
And my dearest laopo...

Thanks for the infiltration and all your mischievous deed...
Please do not stop them as these are things that light up my life...
And these are the only thing that makes me feel like living after I started my working life...

Thanks dear for bringing such joy into my life....